I always do that

I think it’s fair to say that, despite the occasional moment of blondeness, I’m a fairly balanced, coherent sort of person. I’d like to think I’m capable of rationale thought and that my actions have roots in logic and reason. But then there are times when you find your body acting completely independently from your brain, leaving a serious question mark hanging over your sanity. Things like watching the stairs and still falling up them, calling your boss ‘Dad’ or pouring boiling water on your cereal. But for me, the action which causes the most concern is what I call involuntary lying.

Have you ever found yourself walking away from a conversation and realising not only that what you’ve just said was categorically untrue, but also – and even more bafflingly - that you had absolutely nothing to gain from the lie?

For example, a while ago I was leaving Waitrose when I realised I’d forgotten to buy toothpaste. As this is something of a necessity, I turned around, located the item and ended up back at the same checkout I’d left 2 minutes earlier. “Me again!” I said brightly “I just forgot something”. And then, for no reason at all, I followed this with “I always do that.” I don’t always do that! In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever done that! Truth be told I’m a pretty together person – I’d even go as far as to say I pride myself with superior organisation skills.

So why lie? Not that I’m supporting deception of any sort, but if the benefits outweigh the deceit, a lie does seem somewhat more justified. But in this case it certainly didn’t need to be told, and in doing so I managed to successfully transform myself into walking ‘dumb blonde’ propaganda in the space of a couple of seconds. I might as well have emptied the contents of my wallet onto the desk and asked her to count out the £1.45 I owed for the toothpaste.

But after expressing my concern to the panel, I was completely comforted with reassurance that I’m not alone in this, and that in fact we are all just mad.