Evidence that I’m going a little mad

As some of you may know, after three years of intense study, sleepless nights and almost-sectioning to gain a first class degree in Media, I have now decided to go into teaching. And because fate apparently isn’t quite through with using me as his sex-toy, he’s decided to deal me this realisation just after the submission deadline for this year’s teacher training. Which is how I’ve now found myself in a gap-year-esque state of voluntary work experience and countless, soul-destroying hours of googling “temp work”.

Now, previous to my current state of unemployment, I was under the impression that the most high-risk time of year for weight-gain was Christmas. I was wrong. You’d be surprised just how much a person can find to eat in a house that hasn’t seen a proper food shop for three months. Especially when that person has spent the last five days imprisoned within the same four walls with only Facebook and an electronic - albeit very friendly - “Recruitment Advisor” called Alan for company.

So, in an attempt to delay the inevitable onset of madness (and consumption of an already-open pack of hot crossed buns lying on the side) I’ve reworked a well-loved Christmas Carol - and pretty much destroyed it - for your sing-along pleasure. But don’t worry, I won’t give up the day job. Oh, hang on.

So please find below the words and, if you’re feeling particularly rediculous, a link which will take you to the background instrumental, courtesy of YouTube. Go on, you know you want to try it...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AmEpVUSQ2JY

The 12 days of Job-Hunt

On the first day of job hunt I didn’t mean to eat,

A litre of Ben & Jerry’s.

 

On the second day of job hunt I didn’t mean to eat,

Two bits of toast,

And a litre of Ben & Jerry’s.

 

On the third day of job hunt I didn’t mean to eat,

Three swiss rolls,

Two bits of toast,

And a litre of Ben & Jerry’s.

 

On the fourth day of job hunt I didn’t mean to eat,

Four Cuppa Soups,

Three swiss rolls,

Two bits of toast,

And a litre of Ben & Jerry’s.

 

On the fifth day of job hunt I didn’t mean to eat,

Five token grapes,

Four Cuppa Soups,

Three swiss rolls,

Two bits of toast,

And a litre of Ben & Jerry’s.

 

On the sixth day of job hunt I didn’t mean to eat,

Six stale pittas,

Five token grapes,

Four Cuppa Soups,

Three swiss rolls,

Two bits of toast,

And a litre of Ben & Jerry’s.

 

On the seventh day of job hunt I didn’t mean to eat,

Seven smashed digestives,

Six stale pittas,

Five token grapes,

Four Cuppa Soups,

Three swiss rolls,

Two bits of toast,

And a litre of Ben & Jerry’s.

 

On the eighth day of job hunt I didn’t mean to eat,

Eight crumbed-ham slices,

Seven smashed digestives,

Six stale pittas,

Five token grapes,

Four Cuppa Soups,

Three swiss rolls,

Two bits of toast,

And a litre of Ben & Jerry’s.

 

On the ninth day of job hunt I didn’t mean to eat,

Nine frozen waffles,

Eight crumbed-ham slices,

Seven smashed digestives,

Six stale pittas,

Five token grapes,

Four Cuppa Soups,

Three swiss rolls,

Two bits of toast,

And a litre of Ben & Jerry’s.

 

On the tenth day of job hunt I didn’t mean to eat,

Ten chocolate pancakes,

Nine frozen waffles,

Eight crumbed-ham slices,

Seven smashed digestives,

Six stale pittas,

Five token grapes,

Four Cuppa Soups,

Three swiss rolls,

Two bits of toast,

And a litre of Ben & Jerry’s.

 

On the eleventh day of job hunt I didn’t mean to eat,

Eleven fists of Frosties,

Ten chocolate pancakes,

Nine frozen waffles,

Eight crumbed-ham slices,

Seven smashed digestives,

Six stale pittas,

Five token grapes,

Four Cuppa Soups,

Three swiss rolls,

Two bits of toast,

And a litre of Ben & Jerry’s.

 

On the twelfth day of job-hunt I didn’t mean to eat,

Twelve week-old scotch eggs,

Eleven fists of Frosties,

Ten chocolate pancakes,

Nine frozen waffles,

Eight crumbed-ham slices,

Seven smashed digestives,

Six stale pittas,

Five token grapes,

Four Cuppa Soups,

Three swiss rolls,

Two bits of toast,

And a litre of Ben & Jerry’s.